i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
