i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
