I seem to have left my pride at pride
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
