I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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