You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want nice things and good sex
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
