Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
someone owes me an orgasm
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
