Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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