He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize