Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
