you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
