And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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