and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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