I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
