census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
