I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
