You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
