my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
