The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
