He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
