Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
