so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
