We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
