I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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