Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
