My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
