wanna go halves on a baby?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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