So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
