I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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