clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i came on her dog
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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