There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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