90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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