i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
