Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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