...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
