Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize