the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
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