Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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