sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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