just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who died my cat blue again?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
