So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize