Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
