I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
