you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
