bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize