Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
