isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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