Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
