You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
