my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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