Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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