Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
birth control should be required to get into college
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize