You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
