those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
