I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
