The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
