Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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