i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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