We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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