When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
