you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
