it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
