found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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