He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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