this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
