She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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