Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
