You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want to make out with him forever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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