So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
soo... how was my night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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