So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
